


Take a Mile

by leatherandwolfsbane



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Blade of Marmora Keith (Voltron), Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron)-centric, M/M, Mostly Canon Compliant, Pining Keith (Voltron), Project Kuron, Sheith Reverse Bang 2018, Written Pre-Season 6, all characters present
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 01:54:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 15,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15329109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leatherandwolfsbane/pseuds/leatherandwolfsbane
Summary: Give an inch and they’ll take a mile.They exist as a series of rescues and reunions. Destined to save each other, but rarely granted time to revel. The universe thrives on pulling them apart.It starts at the Garrison, with the words "pilot error," a lost soulmate, a damaged eye, and an expulsion. Shiro saves Keith from a downward spiral, leads him down a better path as a fighter pilot and top student. And then he pursues his bright future.Shiro goes to Kerberos and never returns.Keith does not handle this well. At all.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

  * For [FahriiFeather](https://archiveofourown.org/users/FahriiFeather/gifts).



> Written for the 2018 Sheith (Reverse) Big Bang with art and prompt from [FahriiCat](http://fahriicat.tumblr.com/post/176005004343/sheith-bang-2018-here-are-my-completed-art-pieces) aka TheWhitePaladin

They exist as a series of rescues and reunions. Destined to save each other, but rarely granted time to revel. 

 

The universe thrives on pulling them apart.

 

It starts at the Garrison, with the words "pilot error," a lost soulmate, a damaged eye, and an expulsion. Shiro saves Keith from a downward spiral, leads him down a better path as a fighter pilot and top student. And then he pursues his bright future. 

 

Shiro goes to Kerberos and never returns.   

 

Keith does not handle this well. At all. 

 

A rhythm beats. 

 

Keith follows his pulse into the desert with nothing but a hastily packed canvas bag. His feet shift in the sand, and he stumbles, the instability of the ground is encouraging. His scraped hands welcome. It's fitting that the world loses its balance, his rock is gone, so all should suffer with him. He has no known destination, but he has to disappear. He can't stand to be where Shiro isn't. Keith halts as he realizes that this applies to everywhere now. 

 

Shiro was in deep space. Keith could handle that provided Shiro would return, but now Shiro is lost. Shiro is nowhere. Shiro is everywhere. He's in everything that Keith sees,  feels, thinks. There's no escape. But Keith's not sure he wants to.

 

Being left behind has never hurt this enormously. 

 

Keith refuses to believe that his friend is dead. Iverson can launch himself out of an airlock. Damn him. _Damn the whole Garrison_. How dare they turn their back on Shiro? On the Holts? On their institution, their mission statement? For an exploration academy, they give up incredibly easily when faced with mystery and challenge.    

 

Keith makes up his mind.

 

He retreats further into the blazing abyss, to the sand-swept shack of his troubled past and ruminates. 

 

Anger, grief drive Keith. 

 

At first, he has no willpower. Blindly follows some unknown path away from his structured future. He had pushed himself to prevail, to make a career of something he loved - something with purpose and pride. He put his soul into his pilot training. He worked hard for his benefit. If his success at the Garrison was something Keith could shove in the faces of those who misjudged and abused him, well, then that was a bonus. 

 

All of that was washed down the drain now. Passion wasted. Drive diminished. Shiro was his everything. His motivation, his humor, his heart. 

 

Keith no longer knows who to be. He'd been alone for years, but when someone as bright and lovely as Shiro enhanced his life, it didn't matter how short a time they had together. His life changed permanently. Forever divided into "before Shiro" and "after Shiro."

 

"After Shiro" doesn't look so grand.

 

He tears the cabin apart. Destroys what little semblance of cleanliness and domesticity it has. Keith is good with rage. He stews in it. Wallows. Lets the anger guide him for months on end.

 

And then, like Shiro would have him do, he faces his life head-on. He patches up damages, organizes the logistics of living in the middle of nowhere, repairs and upgrades his bike. Keith sits in silence for hours, listening. He wraps himself tightly in a scratchy obsolescent blanket and gazes at the sky. He reads the pittance of material salvaged from his classes and what he's able to sneak away from his few ventures to town libraries. His day trip supply runs are carefully planned; visiting a different location each time to maintain his freedom. He putters around like an old man who's already lived out his season and is merely filling the days with little things to occupy his time.  

 

The situation does not improve but becomes manageable in a way that allows Keith to overlook his most profound problems. 

 

And he's okay with that. Most of the time.

 

* * *

 

It's the quiet that finally allows Keith to hear what he needs. 

 

Not words, not the chirp of insects, the purr of his bike, nor the groan of old wooden boards. It's a soft buzz that builds into a throbbing hum. A sound that can't be placed or explained because it isn't a sound at all. It's a feeling. And it's coursing through his veins. 

 

A mystical foreign entity takes the shape of cave drawings that appear as lions. Rock formations turn into Fraunhofer lines. Robots turn into spacecraft. And aliens become a reality. 

 

And somewhere amidst all that, Keith's world fuses back together and proceeds to spin again. _Shiro_. A shuttle hurtles into the desert and Keith is compelled to investigate. _Shiro_. The Garrison instantly has their findings on lockdown. _Shiro_. There's a figure strapped to the table with a voice so familiar that Keith can barely comprehend it. Shiro. 

 

The second Keith sets eyes on him, the moment his fingers glance Shiro's jaw, Keith becomes Keith again. 

 

He can overlook the antics of the tagalong cadets because he has Shiro. He takes immense pleasure in dodging Garrison officers, highlighting his skilled maneuvers that had once enraptured them. It's not about showing off though, it's about escaping, escaping to the one place their damned school has never touched.

 

Lance is still demanding a hands-on approach to Shiro's rescue. Keith doesn't have time for this either. He hauls Shiro inside as gently as possible, using the other's stunned surprise to the hut's existence as his window to reclaim Shiro.

 

The older man is still unconscious as Keith tenderly lays him down, carefully tucking his one blanket and pillow into a facade of comfort. He can hear these other people poking around his minuscule home, and it suddenly enrages Keith. He wants them gone. They have no place in this reunion nevertheless here they are.

 

Familiar clothes are set out on the cot. When the Galaxy Garrison kicked him out, Keith had seconds to throw together his belongings, which may have included a few things of Shiro's that he had a habit of leaving in his best friend's dorm. 

 

Where to go from here? 

 

Does he wake Shiro? He certainly looks like he could use the rest. Now that they're safe he can openly perceive the man before him. A prosthetic arm, scars that weren't there before - deep and ragged, like rushed knifework - and tattered clothing that looks unwashed. Where had Shiro been this past year?

 

"What the hell is this place?" he hears Lance remark snidely. 

 

Keith can see through the open doorway that the deja vu inducing short one is reading his book spines, and it sounds like the big guy, Hunk - Keith wonders if that's his name or description - is tinkering with his ancient tech. He should go out there and tell them to quit it and preferably leave. But Shiro needs him.

 

Floorboards creaking underfoot cause Shiro's eyes to crack open. Keith can see a moment of torn suspicion: the bed he's on is soft, the environment unknown but non-threatening. Still, there are far too many questions posed here, and Keith watches Shiro stiffen as he decides that comfort equals trap. The cybernetic arm whips through the air, straight for Keith, but he knows it's coming and grabs the limb firmly by the wrist. The force behind the action is remarkable. 

 

Keith has never gawked at his friend, never been one to make suggestive comments about his body or what that body could do, but that doesn't mean he is ignorant of Shiro's physique. This updated version of Shiro has expanded power, stronger muscles, faster reflexes. He moves with purpose - fear and defense. What hells had Shiro faced?

 

 

Keith tries to keep his growing wrath out of his expression as Shiro shifts his gaze to him. It's not Shiro he's angry with. He never wants Shiro to think he's mad at him. Keith slowly relaxes his grip on the captive arm, using his eyes and relaxed, fluid motions to convey to Shiro that everything is alright. The arm is more than a prosthetic; it's evident to Keith that the limb is a weapon. The metal gleams pristinely, built for durability and precision work. He could swear he detected a faint whir as it had flown towards his face. He'll save that information for another conversation.

 

"Keith? Is this some trick?" Shiro's voice is a touch gravelly from all the yelling in the quarantine tent, but it's the most beautiful sound Keith has ever heard. 

 

"You're here. I'm here. You made it back to Earth. We're at my hut, safe from anyone who might come looking for you."

 

Shiro slowly rises to a sitting position, wincing from soreness and pinching his forehead. "I doubt that's true. I don't think that statement can ever be true anymore."

 

Keith feels his heart uptick. "What do you mean?"

 

"There's a lot more out there than asteroids for a pilot to encounter."   

 

Keith suspected as much. The evidence of a struggle is right before him. He waits impassively for Shiro to be ready. He's never going to push him.

 

"...And it might not stay in space." That's alarming. 

 

Shiro blinks as he observes the shelter, perplexed; Keith's not sure what he's looking for until he tries to see it from Shiro's perspective. It appears lived in, dust-free sans the unavoidable daily coverage that breezes through the windows. _Oh_.

 

Keith slowly turns back towards Shiro. Yeah, he was afraid he was going to be making that face.

 

"Why aren't you at school?" 

 

 _Rats_. He was hoping Shiro would take a little longer to hone in on particular aspects of his return. Keith knows he can't play the simplistic angle, _Well, I just rescued you. Why would I take you back?_

 

"I got kicked out." It's out there. Keith bites his lip and waits for it.

 

"What?! Keith, why?" Shiro groans incredulously, face aghast. He's in full-on _I'm older than you_ mode. Ugh. But Keith's thrilled to have it back. It's heartwarming to see Shiro upset on his behalf, but there are much bigger things to be focusing on right now - like how Shiro just freefell to Earth in an alien shuttle after being missing for a year.

 

"How could you throw away your dream? All your ambitions..." Shiro looks mournful. Keith was sad to see it go too, but his reasoning was sound, although the execution of his removal was...flawed. His hands twitch for a distraction and reflexively gather his hair back into a ponytail as he often does when he's anxious.

 

"I may have punched Iverson in the eye...after they called Kerberos pilot error." He says it softly, fingers curling in the blanket, loose hair falling back across his forehead, unsure if he wants to look Shiro straight on. He chances it.

 

Shiro stiffens, nods, fully accepting that this is another way life has screwed him over. The Garrison ruined his reputation, gave him all the blame. 

 

"I'm sorry." 

 

Shiro scoffs, a passing moment of anger in contrast to the soft orange light reflecting off his shorn hair before he clears his throat and looks at Keith again. 

 

"I'm not. Don't worry about it. It makes it all that easier to leave. For both of us to leave." 

 

Keith quirks his brow at that.

 

"It'll probably be simpler to explain to everyone at once."

 

Keith nods, gesturing towards the shirt and pants on the bed. Shiro laughs, short and sweet when he notices the fragments of his old life. "Of course you kept them."

 

"Be grateful you never learned how to pick up after yourself. Otherwise, I'd have nothing here that would fit you."

 

This quickfire banter is their blissful standard. Easy. It's home. And although there's a lot to unpack in the little Shiro has said, it's evident this is still his Shiro. His best friend, his closest confidant, his maybe- something-more-but-they-never-talked-about-it.

 

He jerks his head over to the bathroom. "Do you need me to stay?" he asks. He wants to grant Shiro privacy but is hesitant to let the other out of his sight; Shiro isn't allowed to disappear anymore. Forget the fact that he'll only be a few feet away. Every inch between them is insufferable. 

 

Keith does go into the washroom to explain his modified version of plumbing and pass along a clean towel before he backs off.

 

"It's good to have you back." What a loaded statement. There's so much more to be said. As usual, there's not enough time, let alone opportunities, for personal moments.

 

Shiro gives a squeeze to Keith's elbow, "It's good to be back."

 

And then it's hello Blue Lion, goodbye Earth. 

 

Hunk later tells him that he had seemed calm, almost unaffected by their world-altering reconciliation. Keith has no clue how he managed that. He remembers his heart bursting from his chest, his fingers shaking as he grasped onto the man he loves. Everything had registered so loudly. His senses on high as Keith faced his greatest desire turned truth. 

 

He'll go anywhere, do anything, as long as Shiro is by his side. 

 

* * *

 

So, Alteans. Voltron. Galra. Zarkon. These are all fresh, exciting things that Keith is handling. 

 

Life is anything but dull.

 

Within seconds of being thrust into an intergalactic alien war, Keith is on his own again. _Nice. Thanks, crew_. The humans leave to get their giant robots from separate planets, but Princess Allura doesn't know where the Red Lion is, so Keith has to stay on the ship and connect with the universe to find its signature. 

 

Sure.

 

Keith's still iffy on the fact that the lion assignments are supposed to be forged by legitimate bonds, yet Allura appointed them all despite knowing virtually nothing about them. Snap judgments and clothes-lion color coordination do not make a relationship, Allura. He admits it seems appropriate that he'll be the only one who has to fight for his lion, to prove he's worthy. He guesses space will be just like home after all.

 

He has the pleasure of finding the Red Lion. On a Galran fighter. By himself. 

 

Pidge feels the need to search for prisoners, and Shiro feels the need to go with her - him - well, her, he recognized Matt's sister the morning after finding Shiro, but she must be using an alias for a reason so he can keep this identity to himself. He understands who they're looking for. Keith's not heartless; he gets why it's essential. But they left him, without issue. 

 

Shiro assured him he'd be okay; they'd meet up again once they found Red - and hopefully - the Holts. 

 

"Go find your lion on this ship full of evil aliens you've never seen before who will absolutely want to kill you. You'll be fine," Keith bemoans as he gives an unnecessary kick at the wall. It's a good thing he's accustomed to this kind of treatment. 

 

Another wrong turn and the frustration intensifies. 

 

 _Enough complaining_. Shiro would be disappointed. 

 

"Patience yields focus. Patience yields focus."

 

Deep breath. Relax. 

 

There it is.

 

That faint hum from the desert is back. A wave of energy that reaches out. Follow the power to Red. He can do that. 

 

It builds and builds, a sharp tingle runs through his nerves. He's getting closer.

 

Turn. Turn. Bingo.

 

Seeing Red for the first time is overwhelming.

 

He manages to evade the Galra until he's standing in front of the monumental being. He knows in his bones that Red is for him. She's stubborn. _How perfect_. 

 

The force field doesn't break until he's in genuine danger of dying. Because robot sentries are flooding the room; they have blasters. Keith has a brand new sword. He's fought before, but there's an air of finality to this that separates the scrabble from most encounters. No holds barred, then. 

 

The Galra don't want him to take his fifth of Voltron. The force in his veins wavers; it seems like maybe Red doesn't mind if the tiny human in front of her disappears.

 

 _Nope_. That's not happening today. Keith is not an idiot. He can fight for his life.

 

Alarms blare as he slams the bay doors open. _Bye sentries_. His grip slips. _Bye Keith_. It's good to know that the suits can handle the atmosphere, but he hadn't planned on testing it so soon.

 

Keith quickly learns to adore the sound of a lion's roar as the giant's jaw opens around him.

 

"Good kitty."

 

Finding Green had been like a peaceful vacation. Yellow loved Hunk instantly, but he and Lance had to take down some Galra to free the beast. Red had accepted Keith as her fiery paladin, and it culminated in Shiro unlocking Black. 

 

"I knew you could do it, Keith." Shiro hugs him tightly. Keith is so damn emotional, not because he was floating in space less than an hour ago, but because he finally has his friend in his arms again. He's so proud that he can fly with Shiro.

 

Red is the right hand of Voltron; Black is the head, the natural leader. Keith doesn't have to generate any excuses to affix himself to Shiro's side permanently. That is the greatest gift. 

 

Voltron is a crazy adventure they're going on, but they're doing it together. They are the legendary defenders of the universe. No big deal. 

 

* * *

 

After Kerberos, every parting is arduous, full of apprehension, the distance trying. To his embarrassment, Keith once panicked when Shiro was absent from the training deck for too long, overcome with visions of him tripping in the shower or abducted by intruders or even just stalled by a paladin that isn't him. Anyone else who consumed Shiro's time was an enemy of the heart. 

 

He needs Shiro. Shiro is a necessity unlike any other in his short, yet dramatic life. In all the ways they have been together, their pull is magnetic, constant, and blessedly strong. 

 

That's why being apart hurt so profoundly. 

 

These are the repercussions of getting close to someone.

 

* * *

 

"Shiro, Shiro!" 

 

Keith pounds on the barrier when Sendak has him locked out of the infected Castle. Shiro is in there fighting the torments of his past and Keith is stuck out here, useless. What an unwanted encore.

 

"No, damn it!"

 

"Keith, they'll be alright. They have to be; Pidge will save them in time." Allura tries to soothe him, but Keith wishes she would cease.

 

He hates losing his composure, especially around the princess, but Shiro is injured and trapped. Keith has to stand on the other side of a gate twiddling his thumbs.

 

Shiro has to spend time in a pod to heal; he battles his memories and frees Sendak. Keith wants to punch something. It's a good thing no one finds his hours spent on the training deck peculiar.

 

They still haven't talked about their feelings. Being thrust into a conflict of this magnitude gives them no pauses for any substantial free time, heart-to-hearts, or sleepovers during which they barely sleep.

 

Every time the team splits up for a mission Keith has to stop himself from grabbing Shiro and pleading "don't go." They can handle themselves, but they both put the task first in a way that can cost them their lives. No day is guaranteed. 

 

Sparring is their quality time together. The pair constitutes the warriors of Voltron. Sharpness is key. Training is when they get to see each other - when they let their bodies do the talking. They dance around each other; striving to become stronger, faster, to become greater weapons for the resistance. The forms and styles they learned together coming forth effortlessly. Sparring is only half about themselves; the other half is about becoming a tool. It's just as severe as it is relaxing.

 

Otherwise, their relationship is boiled down to glances around the table, quips exchanged in the hallway, and shoulder touches that hark to the more earnest conversation they want to have.

 

Allura's rescue mission takes an ill turn when the combined form of Voltron malfunctions. They knew to attack Zarkon directly at his central command was a suicide mission, Keith just wanted to limit the effects. Zarkon's influence summons the Black Lion and Shiro towards him. Keith has to act. He sees an ultimatum. 

 

"What? We've got to stick together. What are you doing?" Lance calls.

 

"Whatever I can."

 

He attacks Zarkon single-handedly, not thinking that he can defeat the emperor, but knowing he has no other option to protect his friends, to protect Shiro. They aren't inadequate. They aren't going to lose Shiro or Allura today. He ignores Coran's pleas. 

 

"This is my chance to put an end to the Galra Empire! I have to take it!"

 

That Voltron might lose Keith instead doesn't even manifest in Keith's mind as a problem as he devotes all of his energy to keeping Zarkon away from Black and Shiro. They aren't expendable.

 

"You fight like a Galra soldier, but not for long."

 

He holds up better than he expected, but his luck never lasts. Red isn't responding. They'd crashed hard after the last hit, making a crater out of Zarkon's ship. He begs Red to move as Zarkon comes in for an ultimate blow. It's unwise, but Keith closes his eyes for just a moment, taking his focus off his doom, to imagine Shiro one last time.

 

"Goodbye. Good luck. I - "

 

The Black Lion swoops in.

 

"I've got you, buddy." _Shiro_. It's always Shiro saving Keith.

 

They don't need to stick around any longer. Allura frantically opens a wormhole for their escape. 

 

Of course, nothing ever goes to plan. 

 

The lions spin out of control after being spit violently from the bridge. The closeness between the pair is the only grace Keith has as he and Shiro are sent off seconds after the other.

 

Flashes of sunshine strobe through the cockpit as he plummets into a crash landing. The monstrous thud of Red is echoed louder by Black. Red urgently needs repairs. But that will have to wait. Keith dizzily maneuvers out of the pilot's seat and heads for the exit.

 

He has to get to Shiro.

 

Bright lights sting his eyes. He's shocked to see that Black is nowhere nearby. _But he heard them crash. Wasn't Shiro right beside him?_

 

Panic grips his chest. He'll find him. The comms crackle. No connection. 

 

"Shiro, can you hear me? Shiro? Shiro, are you there?"

 

He forces out a few meditative breaths. _Patience. Patience_. Red is offline, but he digs deep, searches for the unique lion energy. Eventually, it resonates. And the comms open up.

 

"Keith, I'm here. Keith - "

 

"Shiro, it's Keith." _He knows that, dumbass_.

 

"Keith. Keith, I'm here. I'm okay."  

 

 _Thank you. Thank you_. "Shiro, you made it."

 

"It takes more than a glowing alien wound, a fall from the upper atmosphere, and crashing into a hardpan surface, at what I'm guessing is about 25 meters per second squared, to get rid of me. How are you?"

 

Shiro's dry humor is still intact, that's good, right? His laidback attitude towards his injury is not.

 

"Not good. My lion's busted. Wait. What wound?" He knows Shiro would rather focus on other's problems than his own. Admittedly the lion failure is also a huge issue. Once he has Shiro, they do have to get out of here and back to the Castle somehow.

 

"It's nothing." Stop being brave, Shiro. Pained groans follow and grip Keith's heart with terror.

 

"Hang on; I'm coming." 

 

"On second thought, you'd better hurry." The universe continues to stack against them; they aren't alone on this planet.

 

"Minor delay" caverns and geysers are no match for this man on a mission. Keith is not far from Shiro's side before things seem truly grim. His wound is worsening, and the creatures are upon him.

 

"Patience yields focus."

 

There's a smile evident in Shiro's voice, "That really stayed with you, didn't it?" 

 

Keith kicks the ground forcefully to launch a geyser, "You've given me some good advice." He has to keep Shiro talking. "If it wasn't for you, my life would have been a lot different." It's not even a small exaggeration. 

 

"Yeah. You wouldn't have crashed a flying lion on an alien planet and be stuck with little hope of rescue. So, you're welcome." His coughing is ominous.

 

"Stay with me, Shiro." Time to ride a boulder. He'll have to tell Hunk about this one, although he doubts some of the others would believe his ingenuity. Everyone besides Shiro still views him as reckless and relatively stupid.

 

"Keith, Keith?"

 

"I'm on my way."

 

"Good, cause these guys just started digging!"

 

 Keith clears his mind. He pictures the Black Lion and calls out to him. 

 

"Shiro, I have a visual on the Black Lion."

 

He hears the snarl and struggle through the comms and wants to cry. Shiro doesn't sound right. And then there's silence.

 

That's so much worse.

 

"Shiro, what happened?"

 

He scrambles to Black as fast as he can. Shiro's gone. 

 

"Please, please hear me." There's no response quite yet. He reaches out for Black's muzzle, hoping the touch will help. "I know I'm not Shiro, but he's in trouble. We need to help him. I need to pilot you so I can save Shiro. So I can save your paladin." Be real, the lion's respect truth. "So I can save the man I love." He closes his eyes and pictures Shiro. He expresses his pain to Black through the Voltron bond. "Please."

 

The responding roar is thunderous. Keith jumps inside the mouth and follows the pull towards Shiro. He and Black are connected in their fury, sharing one vision, as they stomp and fling Shiro's enemies around. They stand over Shiro protectively and sound out their claim. 

 

Shiro belongs to Black, belongs to Keith, and no one can touch him.

 

The stunned look on Shiro's face is worth it. "How...?" 

 

Keith restrains himself from launching into Shiro's arms and hugging tight when he finally sets eyes on his wound. He takes notice mechanically: right side, jagged, bleeding sluggishly, so likely not too deep, but it's glowing. 

 

Shiro settles onto Black's cabin floor as Keith grabs the med kit. Does he wrap this kind of wound or let it breathe? He wants to disinfect it, but this isn't a run of the mill cut. He decides a surface clean can't hurt anything further and rips a larger opening into Shiro's flight suit as he works to keep the dirty cloth away from the raw flesh. 

 

He shoves a water pouch into Shiro's free arm, the other still trying to put pressure over the gash. Keith flicks his hand away again. This patch job is not a long-term solution. What do they do about this? How long are they going to be away from the healing pods in the Castle?

 

Keith turns toward the console as if Black is a corporeal entity standing there. "Get us to Red." They need to regroup. 

 

Black flies as smoothly as possible towards his sibling. 

 

"How did you get the Black Lion to respond to you?" Shiro's eyes are full of wonder. And pain. 

 

"I guess we both just really wanted the same thing." Keith swallows hard as he presses a clean bandage to Shiro's hip. 

 

It only takes seconds for them to land. Lion travel has its benefits. Black sends out a signal to Voltron but who knows if that will work or if it will help Shiro in time. 

 

If they're trapped here, Keith's not sure he wants to stay inside the cramped cockpit of a ship. It's getting cold. Depressing. "Stay here in case a signal comes through. I'm going to take a look around."

 

"What? Keith. We shouldn't split up."

 

"I'm just going to make sure it's all clear and set up camp. I'll be back for you soon." _Don't worry,_ he wants to say; _I would never leave you_.

 

Fire and explosions are one of Keith's fortes. He's often baffled people by being able to generate flame with incredible resources. Fortunately, the lizard beings have learned to give the lion invaders a wide berth, and this planet has trees somewhere, cause Keith gathers a bundle of weird sticks. He adds some quick-burning gauze from inside Red, and the blaze takes hold.

 

Shiro stumbles halfway out of Black before he lets Keith help him down, grumbling about how he should have waited. Keith props Shiro up against the outcropping of rock that protects the fire. 

 

"Thank you for saving me."

 

"You'd have done the same for me. How's your wound?"

 

"My wound's great. It's getting bigger all the time." Keith must be failing at keeping his face neutral because Shiro follows it with, "Just trying to lighten the mood."

 

"Hang in there. When Allura and Coran find us, they'll fix you right up." He wishes he wasn't such a failure. Wishes that he could take away all of Shiro's pain right then and there. 

 

"Keith, if I don't make it out of here...I want you to lead Voltron.

 

_How dare he say such a thing? How dare he break Keith's heart?_

 

"Stop talking like that. You're gonna make it."

 

Shiro looks soft in this lighting. His bruises and scratches paint a sad picture. A tragic yet peaceful image captioned "the moment before he died."

 

"I'm never letting you leave me again. I can't handle it."

 

 _Shiro's injured, this isn't the best time_. Keith repeats it like a mantra, but Shiro seems to be battling something besides pain as well. Something that speaks well for both of them.

 

They stare at each other, their gaze questioning and confirming. 

 

The fire pops. It's warm fingers intensifying the burning in Keith's blood. Keith slowly removes his helmet. Shiro won't stop looking at him. It's what Keith wants, but it's making him so nervous. He's never done this before. 

 

The helmet makes a soft knock against the stone beneath them. Keith draws in a deep breath before he shuffles closer. He doesn't want Shiro to take the pressure off his slashed chest, so he places a hand on top of his, twining their fingers together. Shiro still has some warmth; that's good, he hasn't lost an unforgivable amount of blood yet. In fear, he keeps his gaze firmly locked there, as if willing the blood back inside Shiro's body. Keith startles slightly at Shiro's hand on his back. It's a light pressure that rises steadily like the beat of his heart. 

 

Keith's eyes travel up and stubbornly set on Shiro's jaw as he tries to overcome the surging want that consumes his entire body. Shiro cradles that traveling hand on the back of his skull, tilting Keith's head up so Keith can see in his eyes how much Shiro mirrors this passion.

 

 _Okay then_.

 

The final inches between them are closed instantly as their lips meet. Shiro's lips are a puzzle. Soft and chapped at the same time. Patient and eager. Willing and strong. The kiss is a perfect summation of them. 

 

Pidge's voice calls through their discarded helmets. Rescue is on the way.

 

Oddly, the interruption does not deter Keith. He needs to quell this feeling before he has to face the team again. But they do have time to steal a few more kisses before Green is upon them. So be it. 

 

Visits to the infirmary and showers leave the pair refreshed in one way and charged in another.

 

A knock on Keith's dormitory door has the potential to be the best thing that's ever happened to him. He's nearly trembling as he answers it, biting his lips as he unabashedly begs for it to be the one person who he so desperately wants right now.

 

Shiro is standing outside. His human hand leans on the doorframe to steady himself. Keith has never found himself the recipient of a more intense gaze. They're both breathing heavily as they stand there in their standard issue sleep attire. Lance went for the fancy silk set, but Shiro and Keith were simple military men. Spartan rooms and plain dark shirts and shorts sufficed fine. 

 

_Why are you thinking about Lance right now? And pajamas._

 

Keith's pretty sure he moves first this time. He nearly pounces on the man, but Shiro has no problem receiving his fire. Their lips are locked, hands tangled in hair and pressing against Keith's back. It's borderline aggressive. Keith rises to his tiptoes to get a better angle. Shiro squeezes harder in pleasure. _Damn, he's strong_. Shiro's strength had never been so appealing before. Keith starts to haul them back without undoing them and slams the door button shut once they're inside. 

 

Shiro spends the night.

 

It's the first of many.

 


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Happiness is temporary.

The mice know. Sneaky little sweet things. They adore Keith, and he loves that they love him. It's because they like to snuggle up with Keith that he's fairly certain they haven't told Allura and compromised their fun.

 

Keith suspects Pidge knows. The hacker bean knows everything. It's fine.

 

Hunk might be aware, as well. He's always in-tune with the emotions of the others. That might present an issue. Hunk's not good with secrets. He's prone to blurt with enthusiasm. 

 

Shiro chuckles against Keith's stomach as he explains this. Their bodies tangle in his bed on a rare morning that doesn't require training before dawn. Shiro's fingers are playing with the hem of Keith's shirt. It's very distracting. 

 

The Voltron mind-meld makes the paladins an open book, but it's by no means impossible to hide more personal details. Altean alchemy and the lions gratefully understand the need for a modicum of privacy. A guise of peace through sanity.

 

They had finally talked about some of the horrors Shiro had faced as a captive of the Galra: a gladiator, a subject of study for the druids, awful things that made Keith want to bind himself to this boyfriend so no one could ever take him away. 

 

Boyfriend.

 

He loves being able to say that. To be that.

 

But Keith can only dwell on their happiness for so long before his thoughts return to Zarkon.

 

The team has coordinates for potential allies, the Blade of Marmora, although they can't pursue them until Shiro gains complete control of Black. Ulaz's intentions had proven genuine, but they'd lost him too soon when he sacrificed himself for Voltron, for their trust and future. The lovers had laid in silence that night, Shiro in need of comfort and Keith lost in consternation.

 

Knowledge of the Blade enlarges the scope of this war. Voltron has done a lot of good already, but they've barely scratched the surface. Even more worrying to Keith is that Ulaz's Marmora blade was like the one he carries. Keith's mother was a mystery Dad had never felt like explaining, and he'd died when Keith was too young to ask serious questions. Coran didn't think the Galra had ever been to Earth. Yet Keith possesses an alien weapon that is the only remnant of his missing parent, so clearly, there are some disparities here.

 

A sigh escapes Keith as he plays with Shiro's smooth hair. 

 

He can feel a rift forming between Allura and himself despite her not knowing anything about his heritage conundrum. They don't mesh well. Shiro and Allura do. Keith is Shiro's right hand, but Shiro and Allura are the leaders. He petulantly admits to being jealous that they spend so much time together. Shiro can keep their romance separate from the fight. Keith finds his sentiments running higher than ever each time they are apart or in danger. He's working to find the balance.

 

Keith already stands divided from the team. Hunk is terrific, but Lance is his best friend and Lance just...does not like Keith. Lance uses him as a verbal punching bag and makes everything a competition. Keith experienced enough of that attitude in his childhood to know better than to get involved in such toxicity. He tries to ignore it, tries to work with him, and they are getting better, but they certainly don't spend any free time together - the incident with the pool doesn't count. Keith is tired of rejection. Some people don't relate well. It's okay; they don't hate each other, they will just never be best friends.

 

Pidge is a lot like Matt - brilliant and quirky. Her brevity matches Keith's. They could be great friends, but they are both relatively introverted people who spend their lives in different ways. It is far easier for Pidge to bond over tech with Hunk and Keith is afraid to try to join them. He's a good mechanic, but he's not on their level and would likely be shot down.

 

Anything that goes wrong is Keith's fault. Any flaw that Keith has intensifies in the teams' eyes. Keith is their go-to reason for failure. The target of the joke. He's not sure they knew they're doing it, but everyone excluding Shiro ostracizes him. 

 

A groan bursts forth without permission. Maybe that isn't true. Maybe Keith is overthinking it. 

 

He cares more than the others realize. 

 

Then again, the fact that Keith isn't so vital to the cohesion of the team is probably to their benefit. He is pretty sure it was him Zarkon was tracking. He'd fed the team a fake excuse, imprinting, but his vision the other night has him spooked. Spooked and convinced. 

 

He is Galra. Somehow.

 

It killed him to do so, but he snuck away in a pod during the night, with Allura no less. He hated to leave Shiro behind, but he'd be damned if Shiro, the paladins, and the universe suffered because he couldn't do the right thing and resign. It turned out Zarkon wasn't following his Galra blood. Keith was able to return to Shiro. A shaking, furious, frightened, relieved Shiro. They'd spent the night together enjoying that the greater good didn't mean they had to be isolated.

 

"What's wrong, babe?"

 

Keith feeds him a line. "Do we have to get up?"

 

Shiro smirks. "Not yet." He smoothly shifts himself up onto his elbows and maneuvers purposely up Keith's body. Keith opens his legs to cradle Shiro's hips. He knows exactly the effect he has on Keith and has no problem wielding this power over him. "What did you have in mind?"

 

 

Everything. _I have everything in mind_.

 

"Kiss me."

 

"Hmm. I can do that." Shiro kisses his stomach, his arms, his clavicle. Keith clutches onto his boyfriend as he worships him. Shiro mumbles into his neck between kisses. "What else?"

 

Keith is in a daze. God, he loves Shiro so much.

 

"What else can I do for you, babe?"

 

Shiro settles his weight on top of Keith strategically. They press together. It's even harder to breathe now, but Keith does not care. Does not care at all. He's so dizzy with it.  

 

He moans. Shiro chuckles triumphantly.

 

"Takashi."

 

Shiro starts to move against him, slowly, rhythmically. Keith pins his knees around Shiro's hips. His grip on Shiro's hair must be burning his scalp, but he makes no objections.

 

"Takashi, Takashi,  Takashi..."

 

* * *

 

"You are not meant to go through that door."

 

* * *

 

"At this moment, your friend desperately wants to see you."

 

* * *

 

"Allura's going to kick me out." Unbidden tears keep slipping from this eyes. He hasn't cried like this since the Kerberos failure. "She's going to get rid of me. She hates me. The whole team hates me. They don't trust me. I - I have to go." 

 

Hours of knowledge or death. 

 

Everything in the past two days had been a test. Kolivan knew how to guard his organization.

 

They'd seen his blade right away. The largest Galra, Antok, tackled Keith with ease and snatched it. He told them the truth - he'd always had it. He was grateful not to see Shiro's face at that moment, to not see his expression as Keith admitted he connected to the Galra. Related to the race that had imprisoned and enslaved his boyfriend. 

 

"Can you corroborate your friend's statement? Does this blade truly belong to him?"

 

"I...I don't know." Keith's heart fell. Surely he had mentioned it to Shiro before? Surely he'd seen him use it? Shiro was losing trust in his lover. 

 

Shiro wanted to leave, Keith refused to go without answers.

 

The trials had put him through the wringer. Door after door. Blade after Blade. Keith honestly has no idea how he managed to stay conscious for as long as he did. 

 

He is feeling it now. Every inch of his body aches. Bruises and cuts cover his frame. His shoulder is a mess.

 

The holograms had hurt the worst, though. Shiro told him he was selfish and rejected him. His Dad - seeing his dad had destroyed him. It had been years since he'd seen him, years since he was alive. This time Keith had to turn his back on Dad. He was devastated.

 

Keith sobs even harder. Too much. These past few days had been too much. And he'd had to go straight from Marmora to the weblum to the balmera. 

 

Keith was lucky he'd partnered with Hunk. Yes, he'd made "Galra Keith" jokes, but he was a great companion. Hunk at least could decipher the difference between a need for levity or comfort and when to focus on the mission at hand. Keith led them through their task, rescued a stranded Galra, helped defeat the robeast, and when they came back, Allura still despised him. Pidge, Lance, Coran...no one said anything to him.

 

It was the final straw. Keith had kept his composure as best as possible, but he was crumbling now. Hah. He was beyond crumbling. He was a pile of sand, best left to the desert he came from where no one would miss him. 

 

The team is on Olkarion now, ready for the big showdown. Keith is hiding in his room like a child, crying out to Shiro who was hovering just outside his reach, unsure if Keith would accept his touch.

 

"Keith, Keith no. No one is getting rid of you. No one will turn their back on you. Allura needs some time. You - you understand. It's just because of what the Galra did to her people. She needs time." 

 

"The Galra ruined your life too," Keith chokes out.

 

"You aren't them. You aren't like the Galra at all."

 

Keith pushes himself against the wall, letting it dig into his bruises, making his shoulder burn. He deserves the pain. He covers his eyes, pressing the heels of his hands in hard and tugs his fingers in his hair. 

 

He can barely hear his voice when he says, "They don't need me. They only need a paladin for Red. They can find someone else."

 

The bed dips as Shiro kneels onto it. He gently pries Keith's arms away, tilting Keith's head up, making him confront Shiro. His expression is tender, so pained on Keith's behalf.

 

"You're Keith. I know you. I love you. And I need you. We all do."

 

Keith whimpers in response.

 

"Besides, Red loves you so much. I don't think she'd let anyone else touch her while you're alive." He laughs softly as he pulls Keith into his arms.

 

"Oh, Keith. Keith. Let it out. It'll be okay."

 

Keith lets the cradling happen.

 

"You're one of us. You always will be. We'll always want you here. Being Galra doesn't change who you are. You're the same person you've always been." 

 

"But - "

 

"I love you so much, Keith. You go, I go. No, look at me - hey. You go, I go. Okay? We're a two-for-one deal, you and me. Okay? No substitutions, no coupons, no rainchecks."

 

Shiro bops him on the nose. Keith gives Shiro all his weight, drained, as his tears shift into a laugh-cry combination.

 

An hour later, the team bonds over what they've faced and where they'll go after Zarkon is defeated. 

 

* * *

 

Thace is not responding. It's natural for Keith to go on another suicide mission to sneak on Zarkon's ship. He's expendable, no matter what Shiro says.

 

"I'm all in."

 

Within hours, Shiro is gone. 

 

Again.

 

* * *

 

"Any leads today?" Hunk asks as he plates some freshly baked cookies. He's finally perfected a recipe, the days of scaultrite lens cookies are long behind them. 

 

Keith sighs, the data tablet clacking against the countertop as he tosses it down carelessly.

 

"Nothing. Again."

 

Keith's spent months looking for Shiro. Searching wreckage, searching space, listening to communications, corresponding with the Blade for intel. There's just no sign of Shiro. He's vanished. 

 

Keith is still helping the other paladins liberate planets of course, but he's split his devotions. 

 

Keith is the new Black Paladin. _Hooray_. Red let Lance in. Blue has Allura. As Voltron, their focuses are Haggar, Lotor, and Lotor's half-breed pack of generals. As Keith, his heart is aching for Shiro. The others had tried to comfort Keith by telling him how much they'd idolized Shiro...followed by how much they'd hate to follow Keith as head of Voltron. He's not sure they realized what they told him. They'd accepted Keith as commander only after Black did. 

 

Keith can handle that. He hates being the Black Paladin. He's gotten better at leading, but he misses the way things used to be. And the alternate universe Sven had messed with his head.

 

"Keith's the loner" Pidge had said. They don't know him at all and Keith's been too stressed to let them in. Was there even a point anymore?

 

Yes. _Of course, there is_. His teammates are his friends. He knows that. Keith wants to give up, just temporarily. Curl into a ball and let everything wash over him.

 

"So. Shiro told you he wanted you to lead Voltron." 

 

It's old news, but Hunk must be building to a point here, so Keith follows along.

 

"I thought he was joking. He first told me when we were stranded together after Haggar compromised the wormhole. I thought he was delirious with pain, but he meant it. He said he knew what I was capable of if I learned some self-discipline. Told me to get my head on straight."  

 

Keith's surprises himself with his honesty. It comes naturally around Hunk. 

 

"Yeah, I really miss my family. Especially my Mom."

 

Keith sniffs.

 

"But your family came out here with you, huh? You and Shiro are pretty close."

 

"Some people deserve happiness, Hunk. You're one of them." The _I'm not_ remains unspoken. "You'll see her again. I'll make sure of it." 

 

Hunk smiles. "I know you doubt yourself. And I mean, nothing we do is easy. But I think you're doing a pretty good job leading so far. I see what Shiro saw." 

 

"Thank you, Hunk."

 

Keith won't give up.

 

* * *

 

Keith's heart soars when Black registers a signal. Shiro.

 

"We found him."

 

* * *

 

Shiro is fine with Keith's presence as he helps his boyfriend clean up. Shiro eases into the shower stall and sits on the tile, silently communicating his needs to Keith. Keith perches behind him, carefully angling his body so he's never entirely out of sight, as he works the tangles and grease out of Shiro's hair. 

 

"It looks good this length." _Why is it so long, though?_ He's never seen Shiro's hair grow this quickly. 

 

"Remember that night you told me about how you missed having it long? We were supposed to be studying; I had a physics exam the next day, and you had a critical simulator to pass." Keith works out the suds as he talks. "Well, we did study, but by that point, it was well into the morning. I was hanging upside down on the bed, and you tugged my hair lamenting that your's used to be so glorious when you were little. You used to put it in a bun, and all the old ladies pinched your cheeks and called you cutie pie. Your face was so forlorn, I laughed so hard I fell off the bed." Shiro's torso hitches with contained mirth. Good. Keith keeps going. "And then you snorted, loudly. And then we were both caught in a giggling fit since we were so sleep deprived. The hall monitor almost busted us." 

 

"I got gum stuck in it one day, and my soba had to cut it. I cried for hours."

 

Shiro takes Keith's arms in hand, tugging him into the shower and holding on tight. Keith plasters himself to Shiro's back. His clothes are soaked, but he won't move even if Zarkon himself attacks this instant. 

 

"She said it was better that way though, spacemen keep their hair short, and I'd look smart. She gave me my first buzzcut then."

 

Keith mumbles incoherently against Shiro's shoulder as he places chaste kisses on the bare skin. Shiro's thumb runs along Keith's arm. Whether the action is intended to soothe himself or Keith isn't evident, but it doesn't matter.

 

Keith will have to turn the water off soon lest they get sick, but neither of them wants to break this moment.

 

They're silent again now. Shiro makes the repetitive motions of washing his body, rinsing, and just sits, not quite content but not unhappy. He simply is.

 

Keith lets Shiro have this stasis until his instincts dictate that it's time to nudge Shiro into moving again. He helps Shiro out, wraps the fluffiest towel he could find halfway around his lover, waiting for Shiro to clutch it and cocoon himself in its warmth. He looks clean but still lost.

 

Shiro returns unprompted to the pressing question at hand, ready to tell Keith what he can. "I don't know. The last thing I remember was Zarkon trying to overtake the Black Lion. It told me to use my bayard. Then, just nothing. I woke up, and I was back on a Galra ship."

 

 Keith follows the transgression easily as he runs his fingers over Shiro's back and shoulders in mimicry of a massage. He keeps his tone amicable. "Well, you'd just unlocked the Black Lion's ability to teleport. Could it have teleported you? Maybe it was trying to save you."

 

"By teleporting me into the hands of the Galra?"

 

"Maybe Zarkon forced it to. He was trying to control the Black Lion up until the very last moment, right?"

 

"Yeah, maybe."

 

This conversation will go no further now. Shiro's care comes first.

 

Keith places Shiro into his room, hoping that memories of their time spent there together would be soothing for Shiro. The lights are dim, and Keith keeps his distance until he gets the okay to move closer. 

 

Shiro is perched numbly on the bed staring at the floor. Keith's emotions are waging between concern and gratitude to the universe for giving Shiro back. He taps one finger against Shiro's fist, trying to get Shiro to release the tension he's holding.

 

"I'm - I'm sorry."

 

"Don't be sorry. There's nothing to apologize for."

 

Keith isn't going to push a trauma survivor. He hopes Shiro will want to talk eventually; for now, he'll continue to provide comfort in any way that Shiro will accept. He wants to crawl into bed with him, but Keith can read Shiro well. He needs some time alone to rest.

 

"Well, if you're feeling up to it, the rest of the team would be thrilled to see you up and around again. They need you, you know." The others had begged Keith to say something. Shiro needed to come to them on his terms, in his time, but Keith always wanted to remind him how much they all care.

 

"Yeah, I'll try."

 

"Okay, we'll be on the bridge." He heads to the door. 

 

"Hey, Keith?"

 

"Yeah."

 

"How many times are you gonna have to save me before this is over?"

 

"As many times as it takes."

 

* * *

 

Keith can sense Shiro behind him, he pivots as the doors open to admit Shiro onto the deck, but what he sees freezes the words on his lips.

 

The Shiro that stands before them is a direct contrast to the one he left only an hour ago. This Shiro abruptly chopped off his hair, shaved, adorned with pristine new clothes. He looks every bit the soldier ready to return to the field. 

 

_Wh - what?_

 

"Great job out there, everyone. You've really turned the tide in this war. I'm glad you never lost sight of the mission while I was gone."

 

He looks like a plastic facade - like an action figure.  

 

 _Why did he cut his hair?_ Maybe it hurt too much to think of his grandmother? Keith thought the reminiscing had been fond, not painful. Perhaps he was wrong.

 

* * *

 

It's a blur from thereon out.

 

Shiro keeps mentioning a headache. Keith keeps giving him compresses and approved Altean medicines. Shiro plays off his pain and waves Keith's aid away.

 

Lance expresses his concerns over the paladin/lion equation. Shiro will take Black, Keith will want Red back, where does that leave him? 

 

No. Where does that leave me?

 

Keith feels a familiar kind of nervousness swell. He hasn't felt this way since he was a kid sitting alone in a shack with a knife and a few amenities staring at the place where his dad used to be. His panic levels are rising, but this time Shiro has no interest in calming him. Or he hasn't noticed. 

 

Shiro immediately takes charge with the comet, speaking over Keith, Keith tells Shiro to pilot Black, that he'll stay behind on the Castle. But Black refuses Shiro. Keith knows Shiro must be upset, livid, but he tells Keith the mission is his to lead. So Keith takes Black, but Shiro overrides all of his commands. Why? Keith wants to go for Lotor, but everyone goes against him. Keith sees the Galra he freed in the weblum - she's one of Lotor's generals. Does everyone betray him? Keith's instincts are in tune with Black's, but Lotor still gets away.

 

Keith is a panic attack ready to burst. He's screaming silently in an empty room.

 

"Something strange is going on here, and we need to figure it out."

 

"I'm sorry I had to step in back there." Shiro's hand is on his left shoulder. It feels foreign. 

 

"I thought I had it under control."

 

"You need to learn to pick your battles. Sometimes, you have to make hard choices."

 

"I'm no good at this."

 

"Yes, you are. It was your quick thinking that prevented Lotor from getting away with the teludav. You're gonna get there. The Black Lion has chosen you. I'm proud of you, Keith."

 

His eyes look wrong. That's when Keith starts to think he should leave. He just got Shiro back, but it feels wrong. He's been thinking about the lion situation too. Even though Black rejected Shiro right now, he doubts the lion will for long. Shiro is the leader, but they have enough muscle now that Keith is the spare.

 

* * *

 

Keith watches Shiro from his chair on the bridge, tapping erratically on the edge of the screen in front of him. Shiro and Coran are discussing vital borders on the star maps in front of them. Shiro laughs animatedly at one of Coran's typical comparisons to species the paladins have never known.

 

It feels off.

 

They'd had sex last night. Keith wasn't sure they should, wasn't sure if they were ready to be intimate in that way again so soon. Shiro should still be recovering. But Shiro craved, and Keith gave. 

 

Shiro had fallen asleep next to him, no sweet touches or cuddling after, satiated and shirtless, chest rising and falling calmly, unbeknownst to Keith's watchful gaze. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong. The sex had been good, like always, but it was different this time. Hungry, demanding, rougher, with few words spoken between them, like Shiro just wanted to take. To indulge in what was his. 

 

Keith wasn't sure what to make of this different kind of passion. He's not put off by the possessiveness of it, but the mood had been strange.

 

They're going through the motions. They haven't talked about anything personal in a while. Everything is about the coalition, and even then, their conversations are concise, stilted. They're all stressed, busy as hell, but Keith's not sure that's all that's going on between him and Shiro. 

 

Keith's not sure if Shiro loves him anymore.

 


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> End of the line.

Keith's on an intelligence-gathering mission with Kolivan and Regris about a new form of quintessence. He's spotted, the operation compromised, hard out. Keith takes out sentries and makes it to the extraction. Regris isn't there. He goes back. Hauls Regris in on his shoulders. They make it just in time.

 

"Will he be all right?"

 

"You broke protocol," Kolivan replies.

 

Keith removes the mask, astonished. "I had to."

 

"You didn't consider that something could've happened to you. That would make two men down instead of one. Every member of the Blade of Marmora understands that the mission is more important than the individual. This isn't Voltron."

 

Keith suppresses the urge to growl. "I understand that. In Voltron, we would've gone back to save Regris.  I went back to save the mission. Regris had the intel. Getting him and it back on the ship was worth the risk."

 

Keith shoves past the Blade leader. He's so angry lately.

 

* * *

 

Shiro barely spares him a glance. "Keith, good, you're back. The team's on a mission. You need to get to your lion and join them immediately."

 

"I will, but I think we just discovered a new form of quintessence. The readings are off the charts. Kolivan says it could be linked to Lotor."

 

Shiro is pissed. But this is essential information. Isn't that what Voltron needs?

 

"Okay, we'll discuss it when you return. The team's escorting refugees out of the Fimm System."

 

"This is Lotor I'm talking about. He hasn't been seen in months. This might be our chance to track him down."

 

Now Shiro's looking at him. Keith's stunned by the anger in his eyes, the firm set to his mouth, the tension in his pose. "I said, we'll discuss it later. Right now, I need you to focus on the mission at hand."

 

"But -"

 

"This isn't a request, Keith. Get to the Fimm System. That's an order." 

 

So he gets there, dreading every second of the flight. 

 

Pidge greats him condescendingly. "Well, look who decided to show up."

 

"Yeah, are you even taking this seriously?" _You have no idea, Lance, no idea._

 

 _Is he? Is he taking this seriously?_ He's the one working with two factions to try to do as much good for the coalition as possible. He's doing more than any of them right now. But he bites his tongue; they don't care anyway.

 

"Sorry I'm late."

 

That doesn't mean he's going to drop this, though. He pries Shiro as nonchalantly as he can.

 

"Were you able to speak with Kolivan about the intel?"

 

"I did, and we need to find out all we can about that quintessence. But more importantly, Voltron needs a strong leader."  

 

"I know they do and it should be you."

 

"Keith, we've discussed this before. Besides, we both know that the Black Lion has chosen you."

 

"You only tried once." _Please, please free me from this burden. Please come back_. "You had a connection with the Black Lion, and I know it's still there. If you just give it another shot - "

 

"Keith, we all have a part to play. This is mine now. I've come to terms with that. Now, you need to." Shiro's tone leaves no room for argument. 

 

Why is Shiro still shutting him out?

 

"I support your decision to continue with your Marmora training...but not at the expense of the team. They need you, Keith. They need you to be their leader."

 

_Why? I'm not the one leading. You are._

 

Shiro walks away from him. Keith wants to walk away too, but he has no one to walk towards. He's on the outside of both groups - Voltron and Marmora - forever looking in at what he can't have.

 

* * *

 

A parade. They've got to be kidding. This is the most critical thing for Voltron to be doing right now? He's risking his life on two fronts, and Lance is bitching about a parade.

 

Kolivan needs Keith for an infiltration mission.

 

"This mission is more important than a show of arms. Shiro?" Keith's the Black Paladin, Keith's in charge, but Keith's asking for permission.

 

"How long will it take?"

 

"Not long, but we must act fast, or we risk the ship jumping into hyperspace."

 

"Go. But when you're done, meet us on Reiphod."

 

Unsettled. Keith feels unsettled.

 

* * *

 

It's a trap. Regris dies right in front of him because they weren't allowed to go back. Because the operation is always more vital than the operative. The explosion throws Keith into space with a rip in his suit. He fights his way to the Marmora ship just in time. Kolivan is quiet for once, but Keith returns to the castle just in time for a beratement. 

 

* * *

 

"Allura, I know you're mad at me, but I'm not in the mood for a lecture."

 

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I heard what happened on your mission."

 

It's Allura attempting empathy. Not Shiro. Not Hunk, Pidge, Coran, Lance. Allura. No one else spares Keith a second of their time.

 

"Thanks."

 

"I know how important the work you've been doing with the Blades is. They are incredible allies and have been instrumental in our victories over the Galra." Keith is barely listening. He knows what's coming. Scorn. Rebuff. He removes his hood, utterly defeated. "And while the news of a new quintessence supply line is deeply troubling, I cannot help but feel -"

 

"I said I didn't want a lecture."

 

"Keith, since our battle with Zarkon, we've been able to bolster our forces by uniting those previously ruled by the Galra under a common symbol, Voltron. It's so much more than a weapon. It's become a symbol of freedom and hope for the oppressed to rally around."

 

It's more than that. It used to be home. 

 

"I suppose what I'm trying to say is, the Marmora can go on without you. They have for thousands of years. Voltron cannot. We cannot." 

 

 _Oh, Princess, that's where you're wrong_. No one knows dismissal better than an orphan. It's second nature. Shiro will be back in Black before they know it. Will any of them be wanting Keith around then?

 

No.

 

This depression is worse than when Shiro was missing.

 

* * *

 

"You're better than me!" Keith screams. 

 

They've never yelled before. It's also never been this silent between them. Shiro falters, immediately forming a protest on his lips, but Keith won't have it. Shiro cornered him the instant Keith returned, looking for a confrontation.

 

"You're better than me. A better leader. A better head of Voltron. They don't need me. Voltron will be fine."

 

"Keith. Keith that is just not true - "

 

"You don't need me." 

 

"Keith."

 

"There are six paladins, Shiro. Six paladins and five lions."

 

"Allura can fly the Castle. It's good to have her on the ship really; it shouldn't be down to just Coran."

 

"Shiro," his words are a whisper, a plea for Shiro to see reason, even if it's a justification they don't want. "Shiro, I'm not kicking Allura out. She's happy; she feels useful. Red seems to like Lance fine," Keith's throat is tightening. _Damn_. He wanted to get through this. He pinches his arm hard where they've crossed to center himself. "Black is elated to have you back. The five of you melded to form Voltron with no problems. Easy. Easier than when the original five of us first tried."

 

Shiro stumbles closer, stunned. "That's because we were brand new. None of us knew what we were doing yet. It worked every time since. Our bond's only grown stronger."

 

Keith shakes his head sadly. "And there were no hiccups at all with me out of the equation." 

 

Shiro is not listening. He closes the distance between them, warm hands running up and down Keith's biceps, across his shoulders, caressing his jaw.

 

Keith closes his eyes. He feels Shiro's next words breathed softly against his crown. "Don't go. Don't leave me." 

 

Keith arches up; lips pressed gently against Shiro's neck. "I'm not leaving, you silly goose. I just won't be in a lion."

 

"Black chooses you too; we'll share. I like sharing."

 

Keith loops his arms around Shiro's back. "You're a nut."

 

"You love me anyway."

 

* * *

 

"Guys, I..."

 

They're livid. No one tries to check their glares. Shiro is the angriest of them all. It's a total switch from a moment ago when he was begging Keith to stay, professing his love and his need. That's all Keith needs to make up his mind.

 

"I heard what happened. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help."

 

"You keep saying you're sorry, but your actions say otherwise." Seriously, Allura? "Do you realize that your absence put the team in jeopardy?"

 

"And not just the team, the refugees as well!" Thanks, Lance, he's aware.

 

Keith goes numb. His entire body is rigid and tingling against the assault. 

 

"Matter of fact, the entire quadrant was in danger." _I know Pidge, I know._

 

"This is not the way I wanted this to happen, but if there's a bright side to any of this, it's that my absence allowed Shiro to reestablish his bond with the Black Lion. He can finally be the leader I was unable to be. I'm not meant to pilot the Black Lion."

 

"Is that why you've been pulling away from us?" How soft they quickly become when Keith has to defend himself. It's easier for them to beat him when he doesn't try to get back up.

 

"Yeah, I suppose that's part of it." A broken heart and overwhelming sense of defeat are also contributing factors. 

 

"Part of it? What's the other part?"

 

He can't lie to Hunk, but a partial truth works. "The Blades have been making real headway tracking the source of this new quintessence. They've been able to piece together a large network of hidden supply lines that have been secretly transporting it for who knows how long. And there's good reason to believe it could lead us directly to Lotor. A mission is being planned to infiltrate the supply line."

 

The team has the nerve to look abashed. They knew what Keith was doing with the Blade. Did they expect him to say, _oh sorry I haven't been here, I was just hanging out with the friendly neighborhood Galra?_ They knew what he was doing. They just didn't pretend to care until now.

 

"It could take weeks, maybe months to pull off, but...if there is a chance...we have...I have to take it. I need to be on that mission." _I need to be away from here. I need to be where someone actually considers me a person_. Gruff as he is, Kolivan has shown more concern and affection for Keith than any of the team has of late.

 

He spares a glance at the others. Lance looks bored. Pidge appears to be a little sad. It seems like the pieces are falling together for Hunk. He gets what Keith's saying. Hunk hears him.

 

Shiro is stone-faced.

 

"Shiro, you are the rightful leader of this team. And you proved it today by reconnecting with the Black Lion. It was always meant to be yours."

 

Keith startles when Shiro is suddenly right before him, hands placed heavily on both of his shoulders - a massive weight - jostling him, begging him to stop talking so Shiro can take over.

 

"Keith...If this is what you feel is right, then we won't try to stop you. But just know that we're here for you whenever you need us." 

 

Who are you?

 

"I know you are. And I can't tell you how much that means to me."

 

At least, he hopes they are. He knows Voltron is there for the universe. Keith wishes the paladins will still be there as friends. Maybe some separation will make them like Keith a little more.

 

Shiro clasps him in their traditional hug. It's a signature on the dotted line.

 

Hunk's tears are sincere. "I can't be left out of this." He wants to return Hunk's bear hug just as fiercely, but Hunk is technically holding Shiro's body, not Keith. 

 

The team moves forward as a single entity to join the embrace. It's nice. If only they could stay like this. If only it didn't take Keith leaving for Shiro to want to hold him like this again. If only Keith hadn't messed everything up.

 

"We're really gonna miss you." Pidge.

 

"Yeah, who am I gonna make fun of?" Lance probably means it as a jest, but they aren't friendly enough for it to land as one. 

 

"I know you'll make us proud." Allura. Sure.

 

Keith's ears are ringing as he leaves the room. He wants to leave immediately; he can't stand it any longer. He said his goodbye; he has to go. 

 

Footsteps behind him make him pause. He knows that gait. He blinks away his tears, only somewhat successfully.

 

Shiro is cold once more- almost hostile. What is happening? Where has this turn of character come from? They've both been devoted to the cause, first and foremost for both of them has been freeing the universe of Galran oppression. He thought out of any of them, Shiro would understand, but would be affected the most. Instead, it sounds like he's finished with Keith. Glad to be rid of him. Ready to cast him aside like everyone else Keith has ever been close to.

 

Expecting it doesn't make it hurt any less.

 

Shiro chuckles humorlessly, hands running at his sides in apprehension. Sheepish.

 

“We picked a bad time to fall in love, huh?”

 

A lump rises in his throat that he can’t swallow no matter how hard he tries. He repeatedly nods as he keeps his gaze locked on the floor. _I didn’t just fall in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for years._

 

It's an abrupt sentence. 

 

 _You're done_. 

 

 _You're unwanted_. 

 

 _Thanks for kicking yourself out before we had to; it was getting awkward_. 

 

 _We'll pretend to care as we say goodbye_.

 

Keith bites his lip, hard, to hold everything back. The tang of blood is grounding.  

 

He walks away.

 


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith builds a future with the Blade and things are better, but somethings definitely kuron with Shiro.

Surreal. That's the word Keith has been trying to think of to describe these past months. Utterly surreal. 

 

Shiro had instantly taken charge when they found him again. Keith was piloting Black, and Shiro was giving commands as if he was in the head. Keith stepped aside. Shiro was melodramatic, near tears thinking that Keith wouldn't be flying with him anymore, so they fell into a sharing partnership. Keith went to train with the Blade to supplement his role in the coalition. Shiro turned on him. Keith left. Shiro didn't seem bothered.

 

His heart couldn't handle the whirlwind anymore.

 

Keith is in the bunker at the Marmora base, cleaning his blade in the dark. It's too quiet. Too cold. Too lonely.

 

* * *

 

There's no rest with the Blade, all missions are imperative. Keith may be a covert operative that few would notice the absence of, but his work speaks volumes. He's proud to be among the ranks. He's beginning to make a mark, building a home here. 

 

Keith starts to breathe again.

 

* * *

 

He gets little non-war news from the Castle. They don't chat for amusement. Sometimes Keith stands behind Kolivan during their conferences, occasionally Keith does the reporting himself. 

 

Pidge leaves to follow a lead in her search for her brother. No one yelled at her, Keith thinks fleetingly, but he brushes it aside just as swiftly, ashamed. Keith is elated for her. He's so glad Matt is safe and healthy. Plus, Matt has plenty of rebel experience to lend to the cause. 

 

Hunk is slurping something during one of their video reports. Apparently, the paladins have also been enjoying milkshakes curtesy of Kalteneker and Lance. Will the wonders ever cease?

 

The longer Keith's apart from the Castle, the less it hurts. He's not as miserable. He takes each tidbit of news to heart fondly. Voltron is doing well. So is the Blade. Pidge and Hunk are "sciencing" well. Lance is taking training seriously. It's fantastic.

 

It's just - Keith's barely heard anything about Shiro. Does he ever take a break? How is his mental health? Does he - does he miss Keith? Maybe just a little bit? He never expected nor wanted the team to fall apart without him, but from what he's heard, the team is working as seamlessly as if he never left. Keith selfishly feels rotten for a moment, wanting his parting to have caused at least a little hurt.

 

* * *

 

This is it. 

 

Kolivan and Keith are reporting to Voltron.

 

"Entire Galra fleets have been mobilized, Zarkon seems to be out looking for Lotor."

 

Shiro answers for the Castle, every bit the commanding officer, ready with an intricate plan. "It's only a matter of time before he gets the empire back in order. We need to take advantage of this moment. _Now_ is the time to assemble the coalition that Voltron has been building. With intelligence gathered by the Blades and coalition observers, combined with Pidge's Galra tracking software, we now have a detailed map of the Galra Empire. I've identified an intermittent line of coalition planets that runs through the territory. If you look closely, there's only one Galra-occupied planet left on that line."

 

"Naxzela," Allura confirms.

 

"Exactly. If we capture Naxzela and solidify that line, we can cut off all the Galra troops behind it from central command and use our position to defeat them."

 

Keith is a little disconcerted by how efficiently Shiro generates this plan. He's been thinking about it for a while, it seems.

 

"Wow! We could take back a third of the Galra Empire in one fell swoop," Pidge exclaims. 

 

What an accomplishment this could be.

 

Keith is part of the Marmoran strike team that will take out a cannon on Senfama. No problem. 

 

Slight problem. Galran communications are back online faster than anticipated. Keith loses control of the cannon as a cruiser approaches. Haggar weaponizes the planet by opening an energy field that weighs Voltron down. The soil and the pressure will create a bomb that will destroy the entire system and everyone in it.

 

Voltron is trapped on Naxzela. None can spare the defenders of the universe. Shiro is down there. His family is down there. 

 

Keiths sees their enemy's plan instantly, recruits the rebels' aid, and demands Coran stay where he is. He has to take down Haggar on the Galra cruiser. She'll destroy everyone.

 

The solution is intrinsic, despite what Matt wants. 

 

_For the greater good._

 

Keith flies his ship directly towards the shield, full thrust. He's not sure if this will work, but he has to try. The shield around Naxzela must come down. 

 

Keiths sees nothing but the bright purple wall of the barrier. His heart is pounding although he's at peace with his choice.

 

_Goodbye, Shiro. I hope you win._

 

Mere seconds before he hits, the shield ripples, then vanishes. Keith jams the gears, flying up, fright bolting through his chest, as he skims just on the edge of the cruiser. On the brink of death. 

 

He's alive. 

 

Lotor.

 

Lotor saved them all.

 

"Great work, Keith." Shiro's voice is a boon, but he hasn't earned praise.

 

"It wasn't me."

 

* * *

 

The alliance discusses what to do with Lotor. It's the first time Keith's with the others in months though the visit is brief. 

 

Shiro doesn't have time for small talk. Lotor will stay on the Castle under Voltron's eye. Everyone else will go about their day.

 

Shiro gives him a side-eye. "I'm glad you're okay."

 

"You too."

 

What a satisfying exchange. 

 

Keith follows after Kolivan.

 

* * *

 

Keith is listening to another coalition assemblage. He's not positive if he's allowed to speak at these meetings, but he has nothing new to contribute anyway. He purely relishes the chance to see the old team again.

 

"Did you complete the raids on targets we sent you on our last communication?" Shiro barks.

 

Kolivan replies easily. "Yes. The information we've received from Lotor has consistently checked out." 

 

"With all these successful missions taking place in such a short period of time, it won't be long before the Galra realizes we're using inside information." Pidge looks worried.

 

"That's true. We should expect the enemy to change protocol soon." 

 

"Then we need to act fast and hit as many targets as possible," Lance chimes.

 

Shiro acquiesces. "We'll talk to Lotor and see if there's anything else he can give us." Keith's a little uneasy with his command, the alteration in tone.

 

"I can't stop thinking that we might be an unwitting part of a much larger ulterior motive," Allura confesses.

 

Keith is starting to feel like that sentiment might apply to more than just Lotor. 

 

* * *

 

The Blade eradicates bases, eliminates sentries, destroys fleets and trade routes on a daily basis.  

 

There are recently freed scientists to help relocate and adjust to civilian life. Keith escorts some to Olkarion - the new capital of the coalition - among other tasks. 

 

Keith hasn't strung together more than four hours of sleep at once in weeks and those days were a rare gift.

 

He thrives on it. He's in his element with the Blade.

 

* * *

 

Keith's sweaty as hell, pulling off his gloves and bloody bandages when a short message pings through his comm device. It's from Hunk. 

 

They'd created a safe channel before Keith had departed after Naxzela. Matt had told the team about Keith's sacrificial move, but because they'd been so close to losing everyone, it hadn't disclosed as a huge event. Keith was wholly content with that. Hunk had pulled him into his arms though, mourning what almost was and blubbering about how they hadn't even been close to Keith when he nearly died. 

 

He shoved the minuscule device into Keith's palm. "Use this. Promise. It's a direct line just for us. Call us if you're in trouble. Call us if you're bored. Just stay in touch." 

 

"It's okay, Hunk." 

 

"No. No more feeling left out. You're part of the original crew even if you aren't here flying a lion." 

 

Keith smiled for the first time in ages. 

 

"Thanks, Hunk." 

 

They hooked the reader up to his right brace, discreetly hidden to all but Keith's eyes. Keith mentally vowed to crush it instantly if captured. He would never let enemy hands discover a direct link to Voltron. Hunk would want him to use it for rescue, but Keith would never take that risk.

 

_Pidge and Matt saved their dad_ the message reads. 

 

Holy hell. They found him. 

 

Good news demands a call. Keith quickly shuffles around, pulling on clean, comfortable gear after taking a shower to rinse off and wipe the blood smear from his face. He double checks himself so as not to incite Hunk's stress as the comm trills its connection as he reattaches the brace to his wrist. 

 

Hunk's face appears before him on a small projected screen.

 

"Yeah. Yeah. Lots to talk about here." Hunk jumps right in.

 

"Is he okay? How are the Holts doing?" 

 

"All good there. But you need to know how it happened. Zarkon offered a trade - Commander Holt for Lotor."

 

"What? Did you guys tell Kolivan about this? I just got back from a mission; he didn't say anything."  

 

"No. Nothing."

 

"What if you'd needed backup?" Keith exclaims.

 

"Dude, that's not even the weirdest part."

 

Keith hears about Shiro giving Lotor the black bayard. 

 

"It was a very you thing to do, you know? Like, reckless. It worked, like your reckless behavior usually does, but it didn't seem like a very Shiro thing to do, you know?" Hunk's voice is small; he's trying not to offend Keith, but Keith's not bothered by the label at all. It's the part about Shiro that has him thinking. 

 

He shifts on his bed into a cross-legged pose. "It's not. Shiro does reckless in a fun-loving, free-spirit kind of way sometimes but..."

 

"Yeah, this is different," Hunk assents. "I think the war's starting to get to him. He seems a little fed up. Cracked. He's more snappish. I mean, we're all human, we're all stressed. I don't mean it badly. But, it's not like we can take a vacation, you know?  And it's weird, cause Pidge wanted to jump right into a rescue, but Shiro told her they had to stop and think it through and then he goes and does this without telling anyone."

 

Keith lets out a low whistle. He should talk to Shiro; he would speak with Shiro, if only he thought the older man would want to listen.

 

"But uh, even better than the Holt reunion, um, Zarkon is dead. For good. No tricks. Lotor killed him."

 

Keith jumps off the bed, "What?! Why didn't you lead with that?!"

 

Hunk chuckles, a little tinny through the link. "Sorry man, I thought you would know by now. Is the Blade the partying type? I kind of want to have a celebration. Make some crepes or something." 

 

"I can't believe it."

 

"I know. Step one down, right?"

 

Keith stares dumbfounded at the wall behind Hunk's mirage. 

 

* * *

 

_Is Shiro aware that you have a means to contact me directly without going through Kolivan and official channels?_ No, too formal.

 

Keith taps out another message. He's sending it as a text so he doesn't have to look at Hunk's expression. He's already afraid of the answer.

 

_Hey, does Shiro know he can contact me through this link?_

 

That's a little better. Keith forces distractions on himself while he waits for an answer. A few hours later, the pinhole on his guard blinks purple. Hunk got back to him. Keith wastes no time in reading it.

 

_Yeah, buddy, the whole team knows. Coran's the one who had me send that Voltron Show footage._

 

Keith doesn't bother replying. His heart sinks anew.

 

* * *

 

"You keep thinking about kissing that man."

 

"Excuse me?" Keith starts, nearly dropping the wrench he was using for maintenance on a Blade craft.

 

Ilun doesn't even look at him while she speaks. She runs her hands over the smooth metals before her like she didn't just say something unexpected or invasive. "The Earthling who came out into space with you. The one you talk to all the time. You're always anxious for news from him and all smiles when he finally calls. The paladin." She says it like it's obvious. 

 

"Hunk?"  

 

"Indeed. The large paladin who still talks to you. Who makes you happy."

 

"It does make me happy to hear from him. And I like Hunk a lot, but not that way. Shiro is the one I'm dating. Was dating - hope I'm still...Anyway, why are you bringing this up?"

 

Ilun gives a pensive hum, not swayed by having the boyfriend incorrect.

 

"You have that dreamy look. You yearn for him."

 

Keith turns back to examining the ship's bolts, cheeks burning. He shakes off her odd remarks, "You have to stop reading my emotions."

 

"I barely need to read your psyche or your pheromones to know how much you think about your human. You miss him."

 

Keith's resolve crumbles. The tool clangs against the others in the box Kolivan had shoved into his arms this morning.

 

"I don't want to talk about it."

 

* * *

 

Keith takes great pleasure in having his partners hide away in crates to sneak onto the Galra cruiser. It's successful but also makes him smile. Hunk would remark how the space cats were playing in boxes. "If I fits, I sits." It's such a childish, cliche solution but that's why it works. Plus, making Ilun cram herself into a tiny space is minor revenge for yesterday. 

 

They gain intel on Kral Zera. The summit is the opportunity the Blade has been awaiting. A gathering of the most threatening Galra is vying for the throne. It's the perfect time to strike. Keith and his team will take them all down.

 

Keith experiences a moment of fear. They will be slaughtered - no, tortured slowly, made into bloodsport - if any of the Galra spot them. But there's too much at stake here. They plant their bombs swiftly.

 

As they prepare to leave, a great thudding sounds, Keith feels it in his soul. He knows precisely what and who has arrived. 

 

"No. No, no, no, no. Ilun, Vrek, we have to stop! Shiro is out there!"

 

"It's too late. My bombs are armed, and the timer is set. The operation is a go."

 

Then they have to warn Shiro. They have to get him out of here. There's no way to be discreet about it without compromising the mission. What is he supposed to do? 

 

Keith sneaks glances as he runs, listening to the echoing voices of their foes. Shiro brought Lotor to assume his position as the new emperor.

 

"I returned the Black Lion to the Galra." 

 

Keith skids. What was that now? _Please tell me it's a ploy. What are you doing, Shiro?_

 

"Stand aside, Sendak." _Oh, you've got to be kidding me? He's here too?_

 

The threat level is rising steadily. 

 

It takes no time for Keith to make a decision. He disarms the first bomb, but there are too many. So many. He can't be responsible for killing Shiro. Or Lotor.

 

"Then you'll die with them," Ilun proclaims as the Blade leaves him. Knowledge or death. It's what Keith signed up for. He has no qualms with it.

 

"There's too many. There's not enough time." He growls his frustration. 

 

He has to save them. It has to work.

 

The flame's at his back. He vaults through the air to snag Lotor. They spin, roll, and crash down the stairs. Keith groans as he pushes himself up. 

 

All he can think about is Shiro. Where is he? Is he safe? The blasts boom around them, scorching and deafening, as he tries to steal a glimpse of the man he loves.

 

Every ship guns for the Black Lion. But Shiro takes them out with a before unseen rage induced efficacy.  

 

It's mayhem on the ground and in the air. 

 

The blasts are still reverberating in his ears, his balance not quite there. He's easy prey. Keith's blade is trapped. He's about to be eliminated by a Galra who's name he doesn't even remember. She screams her kill as her sword swings down for the final blow. It's not the first time he's nearly died, but it looks like it'll be the last.

 

_Shit_.

 

He raises his arm, for all the good that will do, when he hears a noise that's out of place in this duel. A blaster. 

 

Keith turns. Axca just saved his life.

 

He takes the millisecond window of opportunity. He puts all his power into his jump, rising to hit his opponent in the chest and neck to knock her out. 

 

Axca has paid her debt. Not that Keith ever expected her to. He's not sure what to make of her. Axca rejoins the other generals and Haggar. Keith primes himself for a battle, but they don't seem interested. 

 

He's pacing, unsure what to do, when a portal opens. The paladins are here. Voltron takes care of the fleets. Sendak murders the remaining opposition. 

 

Keith watches in astonishment as Voltron lands. Lotor is climbing the steps, the flame of Kral Zera in hand. He's doing it.

 

"The flame is lit. Bow to your emperor." 

 

Voltron looms. Monumentous. Ominous. 

 

There are logistics to plan, but Keith's not part of them. If any of his old teammates spot the speck that is Keith on the ground, they don't say anything. Keith wonders if Lotor will even mention that Keith was there.

 

* * *

 

Commander Holt went back to Earth to give the Garrison a heads up. The paladins recorded messages for their loved ones. No one told Keith. It's alright; he has no one on Earth to communicate with. Except maybe the government. He'd rather not, though. 

 

Keith hopes Shiro made a video for his family; his grandparents must be nonfunctional in their misery. If Shiro had the opportunity to tell them he was alive, Keith prays he took it. 

 

* * *

 

Keith always takes Kolivan's orders to heart. He's rebellious, yes, and doesn't always follow them one hundred percent, but he's a loyal operative.

 

He's so focused on turning his emotions off that he ignores all the signals:  the first time he saw her image, the "I left you once. I'll never leave you again," the fact that she could use his - her - blade. He feels foolish. No doubt he looks it too.  

 

Mom.

 

His mom.

 

He found his mother.

 

Kolivan sent him directly to her. He knew. He must have known this whole time.

 

The whole time he's been with the Blade, hell, since he awoke the blade during the trials, Kolivan must have been thinking _here's a boy from Earth with Galra blood; he must be Krolia's kid._

 

Unwanted feelings flood Keith. Not to mention the adrenaline crash from being captured, threatened, and narrowly escaping with his life.

 

_Extract our spy._

 

She's been up here the whole time.

 

She left him.

 

_Keith, this is of the utmost importance._

 

Keith's not sure if he wants to hug Kolivan or pummel him with his fists. Both are good.

 

_You cannot allow your feelings to cloud your judgment._ Keith thought that'd been a dig at dismantling bombs to save Shiro, which it was in part, but man, did he leave that door open for interpretation. 

 

_Remember, the mission is the only thing that matters. Emotions are a luxury we cannot afford_. Keith thought he was okay with that. It's part of what attracted him to the Blade. Voltron was becoming too complicated; too many sensations were getting in the way, clouding his mind, and ripping them apart when they should have been bonding. Not just him and Shiro.

 

But. _Oh, boy_. Screw you, Kolivan.

 

Keith knows, logically, if Kolivan had told him the agent he was picking up was his mother, then the mission would have failed. He wouldn't have been able to think of anything else. Exactly like he feels right now. But he doesn't want to forgive Kolivan or see reason right now. Having no emotions before or during a mission meant that he was having all the feelings, right here, right now. 

 

Why even send him on this task? Why not send someone else? Was Kolivan's idea of a reunion truly _oh hey, go down this dangerous path with our spy but have no reaction to the fact that this is your mother who abandoned you when you were a baby_. Keith pictures Kolivan doing that smirk and finger gun combo Lance always does. 

 

And now she's standing next to him. Keith's trying to focus on flying, but she's just standing there next to him, and he has no idea what to do about it. He's chafing. He feels like he might break into hysterical laughter he's so overloaded with...everything.

 

"Keith."

 

"Don't. Don't touch me." It's terse yet nearly monotone. 

 

She backs off respectfully. She's still in Keith's vision. Which, yeah, it's a small ship. Unavoidable. 

 

_Gah_. She really does look like him. Scratch that. He looks like her.

 

He looks like his mom.

 

_Mom_.

 

Oh no.

 

Keith pitches forward as his chest hitches. He taps the autopilot on, a tiny click that harkens his breakdown, as he continues leaning until his face virtually crushes against his knees. He hides his face in his gloves as he sobs.

 

So awkward. Keith wants to disappear, but he's rooted to the spot. He's never felt heavier.

 

He can hear Krolia hesitating. He asked her not to touch him, but she most have some maternal instincts left because he can sense her squatting down next to him. Still, an arms reach away. 

 

She softly calls his name.

 

Her fingers feel like lightning on his forearm. He doesn't shake her off, so she stays there, neither advancing or retreating. It's pleasant. It's warm. It's unfamiliar.

 

Keith hasn't had a parent in well over a decade. He's not sure if he wants one now. His heart aches for her all the same.

 

His mind rings out with something she said earlier, _Keith, shut up and trust me_.

 

She seems like the tough love type. Keith's used to that, he _is_ that.

 

Maybe...

 

Maybe this could work.

 

He's not sure how much mothering he needs now. It's kind of late for that. But a friend would be nice.

 

The Blade has become like family to him. A rule-oriented, zero time for fun and games, basic comforts only, militaristic family, but welcoming all the same. Keith's family is Galra now. 

 

His family is literally alien. Figures.

 

 

* * *

 

Keith is receiving a video call from the castle. Fortunately, he's alone so he can avoid teasing about smiling at Hunk. He's stunned to see it's Lance on the other side. He looks quiet, upset, the disturbance an unwelcome sight on the ordinarily jovial paladin's face.

 

"Hi, Lance. What's going on?"

 

"Shiro's getting worse, I think. He yelled at me today; really yelled at me."

 

Keith has to ask because he knows Lance's style, but he says it kindly and quietly, hoping that Lance knows it's not a dig. "Warranted?"

 

"No, not like that. I swear I'm not whining. Shiro's been arguing with all of us, questioning our decisions. I know he's the head of Voltron, but...he's more intense than ever. We all agree." 

 

It's confirmed; their doubts over the past months have a solid foundation. Keith had been afraid the divide between Keith and Shiro was just about their personal relationship. He'd been too scared thinking that it was only him Shiro suddenly disliked; overcome with issues Keith didn't want to face. There's something wrong with Shiro. 

 

He tests his theory with Lance. "I think the komar must have brainwashed him the after the battle with Zarkon. Or before and he was triggered. I'm not sure." Hunk's face slides into the viewscreen, a yellow garbed bundle of nervous energy. "I thought he was mad at me. His emotions were a complete 180 every time we were together. I thought he was just sick of me and didn't know how to confess. He hasn't talked to me at all since I left."

 

The pair's faces are grim, begrudgingly accepting the truth none of them want to face.

 

"We had to use our bayards to connect to the quantum energy of Voltron during a battle - long story - but Shiro took forever to show up in the void. His aura-presence-whatever looked tainted. And he was trying to tell me something. Probably because I was the last to leave or maybe since I'm with Red, making me his second in command...I don't know. But later he told me his head was bugging him. He said he didn't feel like himself."

 

It's a sign.

 

He's right about Shiro. 

 

It's not Keith. There's nothing wrong with him. They don't hate him.

 

They need Keith. He wants to help.

 

"Okay, I'm coming home."

 

Keith is going back to Voltron.

**Author's Note:**

> [Youtube](http://youtube.com/playlist?list=PLpt7BdIAar9ObR6O8S-_BM-DOrh1vLY78) playlist
> 
> [Spotify](http://open.spotify.com/user/macmab8330/playlist/4Qff9qdaQWJfhXMEQaZktk) playlist


End file.
